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<title>The effect being trans and a god has on my relationship with womanhood. by Jakegender</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493337">The effect being trans and a god has on my relationship with womanhood.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakegender/pseuds/Jakegender'>Jakegender</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Multi, butchness, general lesbianity, transgendering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:41:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakegender/pseuds/Jakegender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane is butch, and she has some things to say on the matter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Calliope/Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The effect being trans and a god has on my relationship with womanhood.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="pesterlog"><span class="none">A young woman stands in her room, and her- no, my name is Jane Crocker. I'm actually laying on the bed, not standing, and contemplating </span> <span class="life">LIFE</span><span class="none"> ; no, just life. My life, and who I am in it. It's a tricky question, isn't it?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">Let's start from the beginning. I was "born", and raised by my dad. When I was about 12, I came out to dad as trans, he was really supportive. Looking back on it, maybe a little too supportive. When I woke up the next day, my whole wardrobe was replaced with dresses and skirts. It's nice to know he cared, but I would have preferred he didn't, because I liked most of my clothes I already had. I embraced it though, that's what girls did, right? And I was a girl, I wanted to be a girl. So I had to. I also started getting "crushes" on those shitty comedy men. (Ugh, just because I enjoyed their comedy stylings didn't mean I thought they were hot, let alone other, worse comics that just also happened to have a mustache.)</span><br/>
<span class="none">And then, on that fateful day, my friends and I got our alphas of that cursed disc-tome (did Dirk and Roxy really get them on the same day? I'm not sure, time loop things are confusing, to say the least.) </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">Being in the game for half a year was pretty impactful on my whole outlook on everything. In the midst of all that teen drama shit we did, we did genuinely become closer for a while, at least before that great big falling out I had before getting high on Callie's hettie crack. God, that was a mess. Anyways, both Roxy and Dirk came out to me as trans too, and well even even 15 year old me with that heavy sexual repression could tell those bitches ain't straight. (I mean that's mostly because they straight up told me, but I could sorta tell, you know how it is.) Their example helped me start coming to terms with the fact that being trans doesn't necessarily mean I had to be a heterosexual. And it's hard to ignore the fact that you're some flavour of WLW when you're always hanging out with such a pretty lady.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">But yeah, that snap at Jake for his man-bullshit only using me to help process his man-troubles about his man-boyfriend. Ugh, men. Honestly, I think that's when I finally gave up on them. I mean, I barely even know any other men even if I were romantically attracted to them. What, would I date Dave and Karkat? Just cause Dave called me hot that one time? It takes more than one correct opinion to woo this girl, fellas. It also takes being not a boy. (Well, it's a little more nuanced than that, but you get the picture.) After that though, I prefer not to think about it. So I'll move ahead until after we left the Medium, and started up on earth C.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">I finally got to meet Callie in person, and god she is every bit as beautiful as I expected. And she was really my first proper introduction to butchness, at least in a way I could relate to. Her style was so unique and wonderful, it's what I wanted to look like. Well, at least that was my idea at first. I've found my own style now (I'm not really a bow-tie kinda gal.) But before I perfected the "business MILF" chic, as Roxy calls it, burrowing through her closet was a big help.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">What was even more helpful was actually talking to Callie. Really talking. Those sorts of deep, personal conversations about everything and nothing that happen at the wee hours of the morning over pesterchum as not to wake your mutual girlfriend laying between you. Talking about what it means to be a butch trans woman, to so desperately want to be a woman, be seen and known as a woman, and yet not want to do the things that makes the world recognise you as a woman, not be able to, because that conception of womanhood is not your authentic self. Trying to come to terms with that conflict, trying to make it your own. Coping with that inherent trauma that comes with nor performing femininity "correctly" for any woman, and the unique ways it manifests for those society already does not acknowledge the womanhood of.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">One benefit of the complete destruction of the world you grew up on, is that it also destroys all the repressive social norms of that world. Not to say earth-c is perfect, far from it, but misogyny isn't really a thing anymore. Neither is lesbophobia, biphobia, racism, all those other bigotries. Of course, we still have to deal with the leftover cultural baggage personally, but nobodys gonna make a deal of my gender presentation. Thank god. Thank all of us gods. We still need to deal with the 15 and a half years of conditioning our planets gave us, but I think we're all working through it okay.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">Having my two absolutely wonderful partners supporting me has really made it easier for me to express who I am, to be me. Because they know me, probably better than I know myself at times, and they're always gonna be supportive of me. I still remember telling them how I wanted to wear a suit to our wedding, how Roxy said that she'd love that, to see both of her beautiful wives in gorgeous suits as she says her vows of devotion to them. We all hugged so tight, cried so hard, felt so close, and loved.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">And the very next day, Roxy had called up Kanaya to help us design and make our own wedding suits. We all cried even more that day. And I'm going to cry even more once I put this suit on, and go out there and get married to the loves of my life, in front of all of my friends.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: janey, u ready?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Almost, dear. Just having a bit of a moment. This is a rather momentous occasion.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: yea its a big deal, kinda overwhelming huh?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yeah.</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: mind if we have a moment tgether?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: I'd like that.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Where's Callie?</span><br/>
<span class="roxy">ROXY: callie! can u come here sweetie?</span><br/>
<span class="calliope">CALLIE: of coUrse. Are yoU okay jane?</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Yeah, I'm alright.</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Just...</span><br/>
<span class="jane">JANE: Taking it all in.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="none">Three young women lay down in their room. It just so happens that today is their wedding day, and I, Jane Crocker-Lalonde, am so happy that I am able to be my true, trans butch self with my wonderful wives.</span><br/>
</p>
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